Scribblings of the Opiated Sherpa

Don't think I think about you? Don't think I have you in my head? Don't think I want to see you again? Don't think it's possible? Let me tell you what I think. Think about your questions. Think about the chances. Think about the possibilities. Every song, Soft or hard, Love or hate, I think of you. Every movie I watch, I try to find, A resemblance, Of what I saw. All the girls on the street, I can't help but compare, Tall or small, No one can touch your status. During my day, Prime time evenings, In my dreams, You are in my head. You are in my hopes, My aspirations, My life, All the depths of my sub-conscience. These words, These thoughts, These feelings, Are screaming your name. How I can wish, For the rest of the day, For the rest of this year, For more time spent with you.

The buttons on the phone are telling me, The little voice in my head agrees continuously, I know I should and I will, But I can't help but think nervously. We are now good friends, And I've called times before. We don't dive down deep into each other, But I would like to dig down to the ground floor. I finally pick up the phone, I hold it and juggle the device. My thumb covers the button numbered one, This feeling won't pass, so a conversation will suffice. Once I pressed the first buttons, The rest comes a lot easier. The next moment could be the toughest, The phone rings and my greeting begins to sound cheesier. Who will be the one to pickup? There is only a fifty-fifty chance draw. I really hope it is she, For this call is for her and not to be flawed. I await the click sound of the reception, Time is so slow during my anxiety. Until someone picks up the phone, My pessimism believes it is someone else in her city. *****************************************************...

Walked out of there, Not much to live for, They hate me, Me hates me. Walking slowly, Nowhere to go, No one to see, Weight shifted as I walk. Left leg out, I am on the ground. Right leg taken too. Rolling in pain, Agony and anxiety. End it, end it now! Left alone to suffer, Life blown to hell. Physical pain too much. End me, end me now! Multiply that, By everyday in your life.

Don't call me a tragedy, There is no regret. I might crack jokes, But I am not a comedy. Anything I do, Does it make you think? Does it make you laugh? Things seem to be set in their ways. I want her, But I only see her. I want to buy this, But I can only have that. Solitude is definite, Loneliness is inevitable, Darkness is comforting. Everything is simple, Everyone wants complexity, I am happy, Complexity is troubling. It's hard to be ignorant, With so much going on. News is bad, Money is going, Time is fading. Alone is not so dramatic, But it is here to stay.

I just want To be left alone. To myself My thoughts, Not yours. My feelings, Not your opinion. I don't have to Do what you want Me to do. I'll go left, You point right. I'll sit, When you want me to stand. I'll do it for spite, How I like spite. I want to take it slow. Don't rush me. You'll only make me Make more mistakes. I don't care If I'm too slow. I don't care If I miss the bus. I'll find my way. Don't leave my side. I might not need you now, But I could help you. You might need me. I'm not rushing Out your door. I'll look outside. I'll see what I need to And then I will go. I still want you close. I need to be the judge of that. Don't breathe down my back, But I need you in my reach. You just might save me From something stupid. You're my elastic band To pull me back, If I need to jump. This time is important, To find my way, To find myself.

Pen to paper, Suddenly, your name appears. Your name shows, I haven't forgotten. You know it's about, Something familiar. Do you question, My thoughts? Are you flattered, By my words? I know you know, Who it's about. Are they tossed, Thrown away? Are the kept, Memories for another day? They don't know, What they are about. Do they, Make you hope? Are they, Pleasant memories? Who is it, Immortalized? What if, More people knew? Knew it was, Mostly you. Inspiration, A beautiful thing. All of what has happened, None gone to waste. Still much more to see, More words to write. Encouragement, Soon my time will come. Until the future, Is for certain, The thoughts will flow, And the ink will drop. A fork in the road? Draw a map. I leave myself, On the paper. When in doubt, I'll be there. Security, Is the deuce. You, Are my ace.

Let's get something straight, I think I finally found me. I know what I want, And I hope you can see. I know my life isn't sex, 'Cause I can't fuck every girl I kiss. I know I only want one woman, One girl that I don't want to miss. My life is gonna turn good, I want to know this for a fact, For all of this shit-hole loneliness, There must be happiness to be made up that before Iacked. And I would like to believe, That I found her already. Therefore, I wouldn't have to look, And my love for her would be steady. If who I am thinking, Just could be the one, Then I would want her to know this, And then our future would be more fun. To begin I would say, You physique is attractive, But what I saw in your eyes, Made me feel less offensive. The mystery of you, Is appealing to me. And the beauty of you, Is what I want to see. If I had you for my own, Until forever runs out, You would be my priority, Number one with out a doubt. I believe that it's you, That finally...

You know, When the sky is grey, The grand is white of snow, There is always a way. Hey, When the sky is black, And soon it will be day, I will always promise to come back. Hi, The sky is full of clouds, In front of them, birds fly, A ray of light will find you in a crowd. My dear, Today the sky is clear, There is nothing to fear, We'll both hold each other here.

In one night, We met, We talked, We kissed, We were married. With an Angel, And Aurora, We faked our future. We thought, Of animals, Of finance, Of city. We found years, In hours. I found you, In a night. In one night, I didn't want, To let go, Or look away. Not just a New Year's kiss.

Confidence. Weak, Strong, Shattered. I couldn't believe it. I said something, I meant, Indirectly. Watching you move, Dancing with you, It made it so easy, With so much overhead. But what was it, You could leave, It was so easy, What was it!?! I was believing, And I was forgetting, I had to leave, You took me somewhere else. But you had to remind, Remind me about the time. You have no idea, The impact you made, Before, While, And after. You shut me down, You shut me out. I felt it all. I fell down. You kicked me, You finished me. You might as well, Beat me into the grave. I still have so many, Many questions, About you, ...About me. If it wasn't for the time? But it must be tough, To keep all the guys off, Of you. Why the hell do you need me. I'm nothing, A candy bar, A convenience store. Take a bite, Enjoy the moment, Throw away the wrapper. I wish you got to see, More of who I am. What I could be, For you. But apparently, Myself, My actions or words, Aren't worth, Wha...

A week, A week's worth of waiting. I tried to meet, Tried to be on schedule. I couldn't see you. But hoped for you. Hoped to see you. Maybe I found you, And maybe I didn't. I'm curious to know, If it is you. I remember, Where we first met, First saw you, Spoke to you. Only my mistake, Has put me in this situation. Only myself, Can resolve the problem.

Again I find myself, Alone in the dark, No where to go, No sleep in my body. The furnace shuts off, To cool itself down, My mind can't stop thinkin', About the angel on the bus. She is so pretty, So smart, so right. All keeps me from sleeping, From sleeping tonight.

Click! A flick of a switch, And my heart starts racing. It starts to fly. Fly away to you. At a place, So unlikely to meet, So unlikely to see, Beauty like yourself. But my heart starts to settle, The beats become slower, The nervousness sets in, When will I see you again? I can only try my best, To time it just right, To see you again soon, As you slide into my life. I thought we connected, When we had a long chat We have so much in common, What do you think about that?

My complex, The internal complex. I try to understand, Try to figure out. So complex, So much thought. Such a puzzle, So long to finish. I want to be, Put together, Figured out, No matter how long. My pieces are scattered, Around in circles, To gather my self, I'll feel dizzy. So much to think, Too much to comprehend. I must break down, Into simpler thoughts. We may have to break, To make fit. We might have to push, To wedge in the details. Don't jump, To conclusions, Of unknown, Proportions. I don't want to, Get ahead, Get confused, Or get lost. It will take patience, To make me whole, Make me one, Make me.

A new shadow, On the plains of my mind. She is cute, smart and funny, Is there any other kind? Her shadow covers, All of the reasoning sands, She roars across my earth, And it hurts me where she stands. She might not know it, She might not see it. But I know for sure, I'll let her be it. For now I think, Like there is no tomorrow, And now I want to lend, Just for her to borrow. If I was to paint, This moment in time, It would be the end of winter, The spring at the drop of a dime.

If you care to remember, Care to remember me. What do you see? Am I still there? Do I look the same, Same as when we were - Or has my face disappeared, Into a dark, deep, Oblivious sub-conscience. Do you want to, Want to remember? For soon it's December, And then the New Year. Where will we both be, When a reunion comes along? Will memories be so vivid? We have moved on. Our lives went away. Did I see you there? It couldn't have been you.

You're starting, To fade away. Here, then, Faded, today. It's a matter of time, Before you are, A precious memory, Like my first star. I wish I wouldn't, Go away like this. But steps and turns later, The maybe is what I miss. I may have gone, From you long ago. But tonight, Your star gives a glow. A rose before, Red as the fire, There once was, Now - little desire. You were the reason, To go home. Now I am caring less, Now I'm going to roam.

It's like you are dead, It's like you are gone. I can't sense you at all, But I know you're not done. I can't see you, But I remember. You can't see me, Though I write from 1 to December. These words that I write, May never see the light of your eyes. The things that I feel, Are larger than our lives. I know what I saw, And I know what I felt .I saw everything ever, And your air is what I smelt. If I reached my hand out, Would you pull me in close? One moment again, Is what I'd treasure the most. The deaf ears this may fall on, The heart that has moved on, We may never have had, But I saw what we could have gone on. You may not understand me, You might simply not care. But you definitely should realize, What I saw I couldn't bear. You were the only one, To see who I am. You may be the one, To act as a dam. My heart keeps flowing, Like the water from the sink. To harness my power, Take a glass of it to drink. I would have gave it my best, If the time woul...

The rhythm of the engine, Keeps the beat to itself. The second hand races, All the way to the 12. Minutes gone by, Thoughts can't be spared. The ominous darkness, To me, I'm not scared. Small lights in the distance, Doesn't mean they're awake. The cold of the night, Makes myself quake. For the new autumn arrived, Frost soon to come. To be home right now, But no home for some. I sit awake late, In such a big city. To be back in BC, I feel no pity. The winter will be harsh, There will be lots of snow. The leaves fear it too, But they have no place to go. The times are changing, I have no fear of that, All my days will come, I know for a fact.

I leave still thinkin', I leave still unfulfilled. I didn't say anything, Didn't do anything. I saw you. I saw a new you. You on the court, You with someone new. I couldn't help but look, You in the black, I was in the field, With 12 on my back. I don't know much, But I feel a lot. And it's my intuition, That says it's you. With my hands tied back, And my eyes blindfolded, I could find my way back, To where you are. For I would make it my mission, Or die an unhappy soul. Ready for another wait, My time will come again. Even if my time, Is years to come, I shall be waiting, That fateful moment. When you will know, What I have known, For months upon months, Or weeks upon weeks. But for now I turn away again, Realizing my time has passed, My courage wasn't there, And my feelings just as strong.