Scribblings of the Opiated Sherpa

I don’t know about you, But time actually began to fly by, When I finally was over the fact, That you weren’t around me. I came to look at my life, In a perspective that, We weren’t gonna build, On what we started. And only eighteen months later, We find the opportunity, To catch a glimpse of each other, And spend time together. The cliché stands, You never know what you have, Until it is gone, Or we’re both gone for that matter. I guess I can’t say I had you, But I believe it could have been, If the cards were in our favor, And maybe one day they will be. Allow me to work my magic, And the illusion of hope will follow through, If we both wish for the same thing, It can happen. This could be quite the fairy tale, You play the princess, And I could be the peasant player, And sparks fly and evil to keep us apart. I would climb the wall, Cut through the deadly forest, Slay the dragon, Just to find you again. Oh, what I wouldn’t do, If the chance was right, Or even if the chance was wrong,...

Don't compare me, To whomever you search for, That seems to be like me, Because I am not like that person. How would you know, That you're comparison, Has lived the same life as I, And written in the same frame of mind as I? I chose to be who I am, And not to be someone else. If someone uses the same words, Doesn't mean they are me. I never studied literature, In hopes I would carve myself out, From the large block of clay, And the simple tools of perception. No matter who they might be, Or who you might know, Don't spread the light across us both, In the idea that we're alike. I never studied, I probably won't be studied. I read from the famous, But I don't think I will be famous. For that is who I am, Who I choose to be, And how I want to be treated, All I ask, is for you to respect that.

The smell of fabric softener, It isn’t a high, It isn’t a summer breeze. The end of days, Isn’t the end of the world, But the sky during sunset. Effects aren’t special, They’ll just be done, Over and over again. Life is absolute, In a fleeting glance, Of how many days. Love isn’t forever, Unless the family left behind, Prospers in the ancestors shadows. Anything with more than 4 legs, Isn’t creepy except, From the point of view of an amoeba. Efficient use of time, Is making yourself happy, By any means possible.

Observation is my tool, Of the social values, Of the beings we call people, And the blindness they have. I know myself, To listen and help others. To offer my time to others, As it was on sale. A sign on my head, That reads in bold letters, “I’m here for you, Anywhere and anytime.” And at the end of the day, Those people sleep comfortably, Knowing that they have talked, About what was bothering them. But my evenings are not the same, All full of loneliness and cowardliness, Grief-stricken by the fact, That I cannot help it. Some days there is gratitude, At best, there is little. Other days there is none, And I would continue in stride. Then there are days, Where I want to reach out. For someone to hold onto, And they’d confuse me. Such confusion, That turns into another depression, Of when I’ve lost that one, And in darkness I lie. Thinking of how cruel, Life is to me, In the sense of relating to people, And the way they relate to me. Such interest is taken, Onto the words that I say, ...

At birth, The heart is beautiful, When its innocence, Makes it seem so naked. Through the years, The playfulness of childhood, Makes it grow stronger, But it still remains naked. Being a child is so easy, Kids will be kids, They play and they laugh, No affairs or loves. School, A place for learning, About life and knowledge, The first crush. A little cute girl, As innocent as yourself, Standing there in the light, She catches your eye and you're taken. Time goes by, Spent looking at the this apple, Only for your eyes, Such a wonderful time. You both grow a little older, School becomes mature, A school dance is here, Now is your time to shine. A deep breath, Your first step, Confidence is spilling over, Ask her, ask her. No. Simple and straight forward, Like a jab to the jaw, But a pain that doesn't subside. The first needle into the heart, Pierced in through the skin, Dug deep enough to stay, Afraid to pull it out. A sad time to overcome, After so much time, Thinking of how gre...

Go ahead, Yeah, that’s it. Look at me like that, See if I care. A quiet laugh, As I shrug you off, Like flakes of snow, Fallen on my jacket. I don’t give a fuck, Look at me. Into my eyes, And realize that. Curse at me, Call me a name, Yeah, just like that. Ha, you’re great when you’re angry. Does it annoy you, That I stand here chuckling, On your behalf, Because I find you funny. If only I could care less, I probably would. Does that bother you too? Alright, I’ll keep goin’. Oh no! Don’t flip me the bird! I’m shaking. Sarcasm is wonderful. What does the middle finger mean anyway? Your face is a nice shade of red, The vein in your forehead is amazing, Is that smoke, Coming out of your ears? What!?! Do you think, That I think, That I could be tough? No. Tough has nothing to do with it, Nothing at all. I am not tough. I still will laugh last, Every measure will be taken, To ensure it, Oh yes. You’re a big fellow, Bigger than I, My crap doesn’t need to be kicked hard, For it to come out. B...

Stand still. Stand right there. Turn around, And let me see your back. The light hit you without intensity, On your front, And your back, Yet you are clearly defined. I don’t want to blink, Can’t miss a second. I don’t want to walk away, Can’t miss anytime for that matter. Walk towards me slowly, I’ll watch as the light changes, As it shifts across your plain, And enlightens me further. Stop again, You’ve walked into a new light, With the color green spilling from it, And you beauty shines through. The green accents you, The color defines your curves, More seductively than white light, And more generously than the dark. Walk a little to your right, And into the blue light. This light is bold, Makes you so sad. Quickly you change direction, Didn’t want despair, Couldn’t stand it in the blue, So you look up to find new light. Sadly, there are only two colors, And so you go gladly back, To the natural light, That makes you… you. We stand in awe of each other, The music comes on, Slowly, t...

I wish that I could see you now, There is something important that I would like to say. If you could hear me out right now, It would really make my day. In the short period of time that we've known each other, And the very little time spent together, I have told you much of what I felt, And you still float away like a feather. I have offered you much of me, Yet you backed away, And I'm left here to ponder why you left, But it only gives me more things to say. Look into my truthful blue eyes, Look hard and believe me, What I am offering might not be what you want now, But what I have for you is what you are going to need. I will understand if you left, Your priorities aren't set, And you aren't sure if this is the thing, That you want to reach up and get. We might not have too much to ride on here, Our conversations have been rather dry, But before when I saw the real you, I then knew for sure that you were worth a try. I know myself to be a very picky person, When it co...

Look around yourself, darling, What do you choose to see? And in your state of mind, Do you see anything important? Do you know who loves you, Who respects you, Who cares for you, And anyone else who knows you? Can you look at a person, And know they are indifferent, Towards you, me or anyone, That they don’t know? Look good and hard, Then come back to me with the answer, And I’ll see your perspective, Through your judgement.

For whom do I owe the honor to, For me to feel like such shit, In these times of sitting alone, With nowhere to go? Is it you? Your choice to leave me where I stand, At any given point you choose, Dangling yourself in front of me, And pulling the prize in a tease. That isn't what I need, And if at any point which I did need it, I could become a children's clown, And be teased and tormented by them. Is it me? Do I just do things as I sit here, That you don't approve of? Do I say things that offend you, But you don't say anything about? These are things that I wish to know, I can fix these things, Be a better person, And then be something worth mentioning. Bad luck maybe? The extreme coincidences that occur, Each time we plan to do something. When something looks to be concrete in planning, Gets shattered like glass in execution. The chance that there will be a time, In which we could ever physically be together, Becomes smaller and smaller, Without the feedback from you....

I try too hard, For something that I really want, And that something that I want, Is you. Don't ask me why I try so hard, Because the answer is you. Look into the mirror, And you'll see my million reasons. I want the chance to impress the impressive, To obtain the seemingly impossible, To pay the extremely high price, To have everything you can give. Take your freight train, Barrel into my brick wall, Open me up, And just say yes. To convince would be golden, To chance is special enough, A decline would be black, But a smile is the whole world inside of me. One... One time, One answer, One heart here in front of you.

I wish there were days, That I could look into her mind, And she into mine, Living joyfully in the comfort of our own thoughts, As we compensate for each other, And know exactly what to say. We can send cells of our body, Into each other, Like a link between brains, To know what we think about each other, When the time comes, That we doubt our actions. We could hold hands forever, Knowing each other through osmosis, Having our impulses go to both heads, And we know what to do, When we know what emotion fills the air. We could stare into each others eyes, Gaze into the wonder of us, Watch the color of emotion in our sky, Read it like today's paper, But this newspaper that we read, Is nothing but good news. If only this were true, If we could be in our heads, If a piece of us is in us, If we could hold each other, Or If we could look into each other, It would be so easy. But regardless of how hard it is, I want to try anyways, The old fashioned way, Of just talking, And I hope that i...

I am not gone, I'm still here. You cannot see me now, Because I am hiding in the shadows, Of regret? Probably not. I was moving too fast, I hoped you'd move just as quick, I guess not. When I look back, I won't look too far. I know what I saw, And I know I still see it. There was great promise in you, And me, I believe there still is. I respected you then, And I showed it to you in living color. I respect you now, And this is why I send this to you, Because I want to respect you tomorrow, And days after that. I respected enough to listen, I heard every word that you said, I honored your time, Tried to play my cards well, But maybe not enough was spent there. But when I spoke out to you, Or asked you a question, I couldn't help but notice, There was nothing coming back. And now all the respect for myself, Was being lost, Because I didn't feel that I was giving what you needed, And that I am falling into failure. Time seemed to move slower, But my heart moved faster ...

My stomach is turning around in circles, Faster than a dog chasing his tail. The butterflies have grown, Like the rats in New York, And they are flying faster than a Midwest tornado. I can't feel my breathing, I don't know if the air is coming in, Or out. The food I try to consume, Can't make it's way in, Because you have already taken over. I'm so full of you, That you are spilling over into my mind, Making it go crazy, Waiting... waiting... waiting. Don't you trust me, Do you not believe me, Do I not show enough respect for you, Or am I not strong enough? I put the spotlight on me, An audition for your heart, Tell me what to do or to say, I'll try my best to give you, What you want, For this play that you call life. If I don't make up to your standards, I'll walk off the stage, And I'll go. But my performance will be from the heart, Everything I have to give, And for that, I hope to earn something, Anything.

Your mind, So precious and true, Now polluted with thoughts of me, And the uneasiness I have caused. It might have be what I feel, But now I realize you are more important, Than what I feel, Even though you are who I feel for. My mistake has seem to have cost me, Cost me something great I had before, And now I don't even know, What I even have anymore. I only wish I could climb inside your head, Know what you are thinking, And comfort each thought, With a reason why you should be with me. But I can't, So I am left with a defenseless feeling, Waiting for you to attack my soul, With a barrage of emotion. If it is good, Or it is bad, You're gonna come hard and fast, Don't let up because I deserve it. Hit me, Hit me as hard as you can, Just do it, Don't stop yourself.

If you told me before I started, That right now I'd be here, With no one with me, I don't know how surprised I'd be. Grab a bat... Then you told me I had nothing, Between now and then, I probably would have laughed, At the idea of being alone. Go for it... People make it look so easy, Finding someone to care for, Someone who would cared back, Regardless of time and place. Do it, wind up... And with having nothing, Came absolutely nothing, Doing everything except everything, Being something without something. No, don't hesitate... Being alone brings value, New values of a lonely life, Like I had a choice, Or anything to base them on. Now your major league swing... New values of a heart, Still brand new, In a brand new case, Of triple-paned plexi-glass. Unload your feelings... Through the bat... Break on through... Would you know how to, Treat something that is never been seen? Or would you know to handle, What it's gonna give ya? Again, hit it again... Do you really ...

I've gone and done it. I've confessed to you, How I feel. I don't think it was all that strong, Nor do I believe that is was all wrong. You smile at me, Like you were flattered, And that's all. A good bounce off of a brick wall, But I couldn't break through, To hear what was on the other side. For some reason, For self-preservation, I need to hear that voice on the other side, To know how you feel. This beautiful wall, I've thrown myself at, And everything I've got, And very little has comeback. The responses I have received, I've enjoyed and taken to heart, But it can mean anything, Or it could mean nothing. I know what I want it to mean, I just have to hear it from you. I don't want to doubt you, And I don't want you to doubt me, Because I know for sure, If this can happen, It'll be great. Please give me a chance, Or tell me something, So I'm not sitting here confused. I care right now, And that's all that should matter, To start so...

And at long last, I am finally able to see you. This wonderful person, On the other end of the line, Actually in person, In front of me here. Just from listening to you, And reading you before, I was for certain, Not to be disappointed, And I wasn't. You are as glorious as you seemed, You are as pretty as I could have imagined, And right there and then, I had fallen further down this steep cliff, Then where I had fallen to before. I may not have come across this way, Being as though I held back, That is just the way I am, I don't think I could go much faster, I wanted to see what you were like, Now that has passed and I would like to continue. I would like to offer you, Everything I am. I am a person who will listen, To whatever you want to say. I am a hand that you can hold, For the times you are in need of help, Hold as hard as you need, Cause I am not going to break. If you need to be held, For protection or for warmth, I wouldn't hesitate to do so, And I'd never wan...

Don't leave me hanging here, Dangling here by my toes, With so much you seem to offer, And so much you are willing to give. Patience is a virtue of mine, I can wait as long as need be. Anxiety is an affliction, When patience is wasted. You intrigue me, Maybe more than you should, And it spills over, Into my everyday thoughts. I think of you now, Like a glorious treasure, With a map in hand, But with terrible weather above. Clear my path, I kindly ask of you, So I can finally reach, What I have been looking for.

During the days of an unusual summer, An evening to be correct. You and a friend spoke to me, And for a moment, Twenty minutes in length, And then disappeared. Not much was thought, Another hello and good-bye, Not to speak again, But to be wrong again. Three suns had passed, And the mystery of those twenty minutes, Had returned of another talk, Of who we are. And early into this second discussion, Intrigue of who we are arose, Being as though we live in the same city, And things may happen. The night flew by, As we talked, About what is considered necessary, In such a wonderful manner. For over an hour, We seemed to get to know each other, Enough to inject an idea, Of meeting each other. An idea, In retrospect, Not taken lightly, But one to take time in blossoming. A glorious time spent, To end with hugz, And a beautiful phrase, For now but not forever. The days went by, The idea never left, But the conversations were too casual, To build on it anymore. It's a pleasure, To know whe...