Scribblings of the Opiated Sherpa

An Angel, So bold and so true, Looked upon high, By many a people. No one has ever seen her, But everyone knows she exists, And the sweetness of her soul, Carries for miles from her solitary position. To have touched so many, With only her words, No touch or feel, And speaking to few. But doubts cloud her paradise, Because some don’t believe, Her Angelic presence isn’t enough, To sway others to her light. And how this troubles the Angel, Taking her away from those, Who believe her, Without even seeing her. Everyone down below, Need the Angel to be happy, To know her smile upon them, And all of who believe know themselves worthy. So, to the Angel I plea, To keep your head up, Your smile beaming, And what you need will come when you need it most.

Can you hear my hollowed voice? Can you hear it through this hollow box? This is my voice, Hollowed out and misshapen, To the point of disbelief. I want you to believe, The words in my voice, The emotion in my voice, And the feeling that you get when you hear me. I can be what you need, And my voice, Can be your pillow, So you can sleep peacefully. Wrap it up with ribbons and bows, A prize you can have, And a prize that is yours, If you would only ask. My voice was never used, To the capacity that it’s good for, Nobody ever tried to get this prize, So it’s left unwrapped, waiting. This doubt you have, Is nothing new to me, It has been something I have seen, And something I saw it to pass. Doubt leads to limited chances, And limited chances is all I ever had, Limited to zero, And limited to nothing. And when you know only nothing, Something is new, Something is bold, Something could be scary. My voice talks to myself, When there is nothing around, And voice is unused, When nothing plays...

The one who works hard to keep his promises, The one who keeps them happy, The one who has already given up so much for friends, But the one overlooked in the end. Like a gas station in the middle of nowhere, Needed and helpful for a period of time, But the people you have helped, Leave and never look back. The recognition of effort, Never pans out into anything more, Than a picture in a book, Or a drunken memory lost among others. No one cares for the utility person, Who makes them laugh, Buys a round of drinks, And gets left at the end of the night. You look at his open door, Smile and walk away, Knowing what is inside to be great, But still you walk on by. And when it’s all said and done, The people who are there now, Become better people because of him, And find new people to leave him in a pile of dust. And have you looked at a pile of dust, In all of it’s loneliness, The disregarded pieces of skin and hair, To be swept up and thrown away? But still he plugs along for others, New ...

It’s felt like an eternity, Not being able to touch, feel or smell her. Living with others who recognize my presence, But don’t feel me either. Being able to help those, But the hole in my soul is still deep. I feel like Angel walking among those, Even though I don’t believe. If I was to meet her, I don’t know what I am supposed to feel. I want to reach out and touch her, She knows I am touching, but does she ‘feel’ me? If she looked deep into me, Looked deep into who I am, Touch her heart, So she sees me in new light, Not touching but feeling. That’s all I need, Someone to feel me, Feel me through and through, Just I like I do, standing before her now. She is so perfect in her glory, And her imperfections that make her who she is, I want to feel that feeling, That she feels the same way. We’ll make our own cities, Live our own lives, For each other, For the feeling we should never lose. When she rubs my arm, When she cozies up to me in front of a fire, When we sit and share ourselves,...

I don’t want you to think that I am someone I’m not, I still have the cluttered mess, I have that aroma of tomato and garlic sauce, Mixed with a little bit of Juicy Fruit. I love to laugh a lot, I can have as much fun as the next guy, Without the drugs and the drinks, Even though it would seem that I had a little of both. But if you choose to dig a little deeper, Where the ground is soft and pliable, You’ll find a whole lot more, That isn’t advertised on the surface. Think of this introduction, As the disclaimer of my life, This is me, Deal with it.

Welcome to the nightmare, The nightmare that I lead, The life that I live, Is the nightmare I don’t want to believe. I look beside me, At the other side of the bed, To find that the comforter covers, The empty section reserved for the person who isn’t there. The loveseat for two, Is occupied by one, One with wishes for two, But fear for many. A clever selection process, Maybe, Fear of rejection, Of course. If she doesn’t look into me, Why should I look into her, Especially if the feeling is supposed to be mutual, For something special to arise. It’s not that I have failed before, But it isn’t like I ever succeed either, Nothing has ever happened, For the good or the bad. Trouble may have been saved, But experience was never gained, Life is pretty easy to lead, When there is nothing to impede the process.

Wouldn’t have thought it to be true, The day that I met you, That today I would say, I should have looked the other way, If I was to know what was to be, When you asked “would you walk with me?” Could you believe I actually thought, That everything I did went all for not, And the time spent to listen, Has now gone missin’, Lost forever to oblivion, Oh what it could have been. The flirting style you portrayed, Made me feel a little betrayed, Or even punished for being there, And then left with just a blank stare, Back into my hole I would go, Until it was time to go back into the workflow. You made a mockery of who I am, Just by relaying another problem, You knew I would be there for you, Anytime and anywhere too, Using and abusing, Made me feel I was always losing. Your beliefs were a tease, And nothing made me at ease, You were completely vague, As if no one was in your league, And you said so much to run from yard to yard, Would be believe the fall from grace was hard. A complete was...

What can I say? I’m addicted to you. No ill effects yet, So I’ll continue to be addicted to you. I thought I kicked the habit, Of thinking of you, As I immerse myself deeper, In the image of you. A pseudo-you pasted on my wall, In my heart, Filling the temporary void, Reserved for you. I tell everyone, It’s the pseudo-you I am after, But inside, The truth holds dear. When I finally saw you again, I found my will power spent, I think of you now, All the more, like I used to. I want to find a way, To be close, Closer to you, So there is a chance of something. I keep relatively quiet, Hoping that our phone conversations, Cleverly give me away, Like a kid back in high school. And I know, There is nothing that can be done, Since we are 500 miles away, But I would sure like to try. Anything bluntly said, Would probably result in fear, Disbelief in my approach, Or ex-communication. I don’t want it to happen, But I would like you to know, Just how I feel now, To know you feel something.

I don’t know about you, But time actually began to fly by, When I finally was over the fact, That you weren’t around me. I came to look at my life, In a perspective that, We weren’t gonna build, On what we started. And only eighteen months later, We find the opportunity, To catch a glimpse of each other, And spend time together. The cliché stands, You never know what you have, Until it is gone, Or we’re both gone for that matter. I guess I can’t say I had you, But I believe it could have been, If the cards were in our favor, And maybe one day they will be. Allow me to work my magic, And the illusion of hope will follow through, If we both wish for the same thing, It can happen. This could be quite the fairy tale, You play the princess, And I could be the peasant player, And sparks fly and evil to keep us apart. I would climb the wall, Cut through the deadly forest, Slay the dragon, Just to find you again. Oh, what I wouldn’t do, If the chance was right, Or even if the chance was wrong,...

Don't compare me, To whomever you search for, That seems to be like me, Because I am not like that person. How would you know, That you're comparison, Has lived the same life as I, And written in the same frame of mind as I? I chose to be who I am, And not to be someone else. If someone uses the same words, Doesn't mean they are me. I never studied literature, In hopes I would carve myself out, From the large block of clay, And the simple tools of perception. No matter who they might be, Or who you might know, Don't spread the light across us both, In the idea that we're alike. I never studied, I probably won't be studied. I read from the famous, But I don't think I will be famous. For that is who I am, Who I choose to be, And how I want to be treated, All I ask, is for you to respect that.

The smell of fabric softener, It isn’t a high, It isn’t a summer breeze. The end of days, Isn’t the end of the world, But the sky during sunset. Effects aren’t special, They’ll just be done, Over and over again. Life is absolute, In a fleeting glance, Of how many days. Love isn’t forever, Unless the family left behind, Prospers in the ancestors shadows. Anything with more than 4 legs, Isn’t creepy except, From the point of view of an amoeba. Efficient use of time, Is making yourself happy, By any means possible.

Observation is my tool, Of the social values, Of the beings we call people, And the blindness they have. I know myself, To listen and help others. To offer my time to others, As it was on sale. A sign on my head, That reads in bold letters, “I’m here for you, Anywhere and anytime.” And at the end of the day, Those people sleep comfortably, Knowing that they have talked, About what was bothering them. But my evenings are not the same, All full of loneliness and cowardliness, Grief-stricken by the fact, That I cannot help it. Some days there is gratitude, At best, there is little. Other days there is none, And I would continue in stride. Then there are days, Where I want to reach out. For someone to hold onto, And they’d confuse me. Such confusion, That turns into another depression, Of when I’ve lost that one, And in darkness I lie. Thinking of how cruel, Life is to me, In the sense of relating to people, And the way they relate to me. Such interest is taken, Onto the words that I say, ...

At birth, The heart is beautiful, When its innocence, Makes it seem so naked. Through the years, The playfulness of childhood, Makes it grow stronger, But it still remains naked. Being a child is so easy, Kids will be kids, They play and they laugh, No affairs or loves. School, A place for learning, About life and knowledge, The first crush. A little cute girl, As innocent as yourself, Standing there in the light, She catches your eye and you're taken. Time goes by, Spent looking at the this apple, Only for your eyes, Such a wonderful time. You both grow a little older, School becomes mature, A school dance is here, Now is your time to shine. A deep breath, Your first step, Confidence is spilling over, Ask her, ask her. No. Simple and straight forward, Like a jab to the jaw, But a pain that doesn't subside. The first needle into the heart, Pierced in through the skin, Dug deep enough to stay, Afraid to pull it out. A sad time to overcome, After so much time, Thinking of how gre...

Go ahead, Yeah, that’s it. Look at me like that, See if I care. A quiet laugh, As I shrug you off, Like flakes of snow, Fallen on my jacket. I don’t give a fuck, Look at me. Into my eyes, And realize that. Curse at me, Call me a name, Yeah, just like that. Ha, you’re great when you’re angry. Does it annoy you, That I stand here chuckling, On your behalf, Because I find you funny. If only I could care less, I probably would. Does that bother you too? Alright, I’ll keep goin’. Oh no! Don’t flip me the bird! I’m shaking. Sarcasm is wonderful. What does the middle finger mean anyway? Your face is a nice shade of red, The vein in your forehead is amazing, Is that smoke, Coming out of your ears? What!?! Do you think, That I think, That I could be tough? No. Tough has nothing to do with it, Nothing at all. I am not tough. I still will laugh last, Every measure will be taken, To ensure it, Oh yes. You’re a big fellow, Bigger than I, My crap doesn’t need to be kicked hard, For it to come out. B...

Stand still. Stand right there. Turn around, And let me see your back. The light hit you without intensity, On your front, And your back, Yet you are clearly defined. I don’t want to blink, Can’t miss a second. I don’t want to walk away, Can’t miss anytime for that matter. Walk towards me slowly, I’ll watch as the light changes, As it shifts across your plain, And enlightens me further. Stop again, You’ve walked into a new light, With the color green spilling from it, And you beauty shines through. The green accents you, The color defines your curves, More seductively than white light, And more generously than the dark. Walk a little to your right, And into the blue light. This light is bold, Makes you so sad. Quickly you change direction, Didn’t want despair, Couldn’t stand it in the blue, So you look up to find new light. Sadly, there are only two colors, And so you go gladly back, To the natural light, That makes you… you. We stand in awe of each other, The music comes on, Slowly, t...

I wish that I could see you now, There is something important that I would like to say. If you could hear me out right now, It would really make my day. In the short period of time that we've known each other, And the very little time spent together, I have told you much of what I felt, And you still float away like a feather. I have offered you much of me, Yet you backed away, And I'm left here to ponder why you left, But it only gives me more things to say. Look into my truthful blue eyes, Look hard and believe me, What I am offering might not be what you want now, But what I have for you is what you are going to need. I will understand if you left, Your priorities aren't set, And you aren't sure if this is the thing, That you want to reach up and get. We might not have too much to ride on here, Our conversations have been rather dry, But before when I saw the real you, I then knew for sure that you were worth a try. I know myself to be a very picky person, When it co...

Look around yourself, darling, What do you choose to see? And in your state of mind, Do you see anything important? Do you know who loves you, Who respects you, Who cares for you, And anyone else who knows you? Can you look at a person, And know they are indifferent, Towards you, me or anyone, That they don’t know? Look good and hard, Then come back to me with the answer, And I’ll see your perspective, Through your judgement.

For whom do I owe the honor to, For me to feel like such shit, In these times of sitting alone, With nowhere to go? Is it you? Your choice to leave me where I stand, At any given point you choose, Dangling yourself in front of me, And pulling the prize in a tease. That isn't what I need, And if at any point which I did need it, I could become a children's clown, And be teased and tormented by them. Is it me? Do I just do things as I sit here, That you don't approve of? Do I say things that offend you, But you don't say anything about? These are things that I wish to know, I can fix these things, Be a better person, And then be something worth mentioning. Bad luck maybe? The extreme coincidences that occur, Each time we plan to do something. When something looks to be concrete in planning, Gets shattered like glass in execution. The chance that there will be a time, In which we could ever physically be together, Becomes smaller and smaller, Without the feedback from you....

I try too hard, For something that I really want, And that something that I want, Is you. Don't ask me why I try so hard, Because the answer is you. Look into the mirror, And you'll see my million reasons. I want the chance to impress the impressive, To obtain the seemingly impossible, To pay the extremely high price, To have everything you can give. Take your freight train, Barrel into my brick wall, Open me up, And just say yes. To convince would be golden, To chance is special enough, A decline would be black, But a smile is the whole world inside of me. One... One time, One answer, One heart here in front of you.

I wish there were days, That I could look into her mind, And she into mine, Living joyfully in the comfort of our own thoughts, As we compensate for each other, And know exactly what to say. We can send cells of our body, Into each other, Like a link between brains, To know what we think about each other, When the time comes, That we doubt our actions. We could hold hands forever, Knowing each other through osmosis, Having our impulses go to both heads, And we know what to do, When we know what emotion fills the air. We could stare into each others eyes, Gaze into the wonder of us, Watch the color of emotion in our sky, Read it like today's paper, But this newspaper that we read, Is nothing but good news. If only this were true, If we could be in our heads, If a piece of us is in us, If we could hold each other, Or If we could look into each other, It would be so easy. But regardless of how hard it is, I want to try anyways, The old fashioned way, Of just talking, And I hope that i...