Scribblings of the Opiated Sherpa

I've been trying to find a song To catch the idea of what I want to say Something we can both share. Lyrics to touch the soul Music to bring us together But the question remain. I wanted to find the perfect one The one that says everything And I want to be sure. Will it be too much? Are you gonna run away when I play it? Will you sing along if you stay? It's going to need a moment A moment like no other Like the time I have you alone. I'll rehearse the moment to myself I want to get it right And I'm going to need to time it perfectly. The moments we've shared Haven't been quite right Yet I know the feeling is there. The magic As I look you into in the eyes And I hold you right there. Save that thought I'd say As I run over to the player. I'd hit play And the moment would envelop us That would be it. There you'd take a moment Think to yourself until you're sure It's only a few bars when you figure it out. You'd look back at me As if to say...

I'm back to this Last night didn't work I was still awake to partially awake for hours. How could I not think about you And you And me? Where does all this time go? Why is it wasted? Where I am supposed to go now? I'm going to try and sleep again My mind makes no promises Despite being convinced I'm getting stronger. Last night's thought process will be a little bit different Probably not by much But enough that I probably won't see 2am. I want to convince myself That either of you shouldn't be here One is definitely easier than the other. I'm still reflecting Even in the middle of this piece It's distracting. My heart bleeds a bit Some for you Mostly for me when I awake from my daydream. My skin is breaking out in stress My eyelid follows suit with it's twitching Suprised my hair isn't falling out.

I'm trying to hold myself up Against the winds of doubt Against the weight of loneliness I am growing weary of it all There are times That I want to give up To meet a sweet release When the seasons change My heart always seems to stay the same I'm doing something wrong No one seems to want to point me in the right direction Give me a hint Leave me with a little more wisdom The circle I run in Doesn't seem to have the exit I'm looking for It's a pretty lame ride I hope I didn't pay too much for it.

I rub my eyes for clarity, but the lines are still blurred. I drink to blend them together, but it all comes apart later. I try to do one to do the other, but everything seems to get worse. I'm damned if I do, Damned if I don't. What do I do? I ask questions to know answers, but with no reply, comes no resolve. Less of a position I wish I knew of, that way, I'd feel less sorry for myself. Time always seem to play, a simple game of jump-rope, but it just seems that I can't get in. What could I be possibly doing wrong? Is it wrong to be me? Is it wrong to be sincere? How does everyone else make it seem so easy? >

I feel like writing a country song, But nobody has died, Not that I know of. The car broke down, Who knows if there was even a girl to begin with, It's been a intraspective evening. I can't play the guitar, I don't have a band, So there's not gonna be any music. I felt like writing a country song, But I don't think there is enough to go on... Besides... I hate country music.

If there was ever a sense of dementia, I'm pretty sure I've psyched myself out. Cause and reaction will go hand in hand, My causes make for poor reactions. I'm probably over-reacting, Or I was probably over-reacting yesterday. I may have pushed too hard, When I was doing so well standing still. Damned if I do, Damned if I don't. It's never going to come on a silver platter, So I might as well give'er a go. Anxiousness... What a bitch.

I want to escape this life To get away from here From now. This world isn't meant for me I don't have my own reasons to be here I don't have a desire to follow the rules. Get me out I'll bring someone with me We'll leave soon.

You know why I drink? It's so I don't think. I depress easy This is my sober moment. I might not sleep easy I'll probably think too much. I'll write a bit tonight I already have. This moment is mine It's not lost. It's here. This moment fills the sheet, Instead of the glass.

I don't have Anything clever to say Anything original to do. I would just like To have you here And we'll see where it goes. I haven't been Drinking tonight Or not thinking of you. I could really use You here next to me Wanting to be here.

Fresh rain OJ from a can New hoodie The front porch Thinking of you. A few tunes Crisp air Summer's ending. I write In very little light I want to dance with you The city as a backdrop What a picture.

I wanna be me. I want to be the stand-up guy. I want to be the guy with principles. I want to do the things I say I'm gonna do. I want people to believe in me. I wanna be me.

Forgotten again. The time I waste waiting, The phone that doesn't ring, The plans they fizzle, And something sinks inside. I call, No one picks up. I expect a call, And no one dials. I don't know if I want too much, Not enough. Do I live up to expectations, Or fall flat? Isn't it possible, For that small bit of courtesy? You can't come, You won't be able to make it. Forgotten again .

Red light, green light. To go or to stop. Whether its bad or its good to go. Still no or possibly yes. It could be big or it shrinks away. Its becoming time to find out again.

The time, It passes, It does funny things, But it doesn't make me want you any less. I adore you, But I can't see you, Until I try and forget you, And then the cycle starts again. I sit down and talk to you, We chat like the best of friends, A natural only bettered by the forest, And I'm scared to harm it. You told me once, That it wasn't the right time, I didn't want to lose the thought of you, So I sit and wait to give me the okay. Time in between, Can be long and far apart, Every time we meet, Seems like the first time repeated. I want to try, Try to have a second time, Where we don't have to catch up, And just continue on. I don't know if you're trying to get closer, I don't know if you're trying to see each other, I don't know what's goin' on, But when I know... When I know... I will make you feel wanted, Make you feel needed, Make you feel safe. I want to support, Your dreams, Your desires, And your cares. I want the thoughts of...

I'm trying to resist It shouldn't really happen I don't even know for sure. It's a good thing Not knowing keeps me from falling Too far from too much.

You’ve gotten me to write again You’ve got me up thinking about you about what we could be about who we are I want to show you what’s in my head what’s in my heart what’s on the piece of paper I come on a little strong But I have nothing except good intentions except patience except a little bit of hope

I can’t believe That I stand here The only one that feels… You don’t believe In love Like I don’t believe In God What’s not to believe? Its happiness Its sadness Its joy Its madness It’s unfortunate How a feeling Can suddenly disrupt freedom… We were free To do what we wanted We did what we wanted We were close Close on the couch Close to each other Now I can’t throw a ball to you You’re so far away Distant I still see you in me But you walking away Is the picture Seared painfully in me Saying that I care Won’t be enough Saying that I feel Has obviously made you go

People see you. People see you smile. They see what you wear, They notice how you act. Can they see what you feel in your eyes? Can they find you when you’re up? Can they catch you when you’re falling? It’s easy to see the person in front of you. It’s easy to judge them, It’s easy to place them on a pedestal, But when does the dream end? There are places that you should be at. There are places that you wish you were at. There are places that I wish you were at. Happiness comes in the strangest of places. The magic of the atmosphere surrounds you. The magic of the evening embraces you. And the dreams of Neverland whisk you away into sleep. Evenings without the bustle of downtown are just for you. Evenings with the gasp of clean air are saved for you. Evenings of spring come forward to please you. So graciously, you wish you could share. You spin around and wish for a present. You twirl around and wish you can fly. You turn your head and look for that someone. Where?

She is my capital girl… She’s on the other end of the line… When I want her on the other side of the room. She has already spoken volumes… Of life, love and everything in between… Between the ‘whatever and the what not.’ As she speaks to me… I can feel pages of my very own book… Begin to open up… For all the world to read. I keep pages of my book… Folded in my pocket… For that eventual meeting… With my capital girl. She already knows what is on those pages… But it is something that is better to have… Then to have thought about… Or talked about. Being as far away as she is… She somehow has managed to be… Special. It’s amazing how the mind wraps around… The goodness of someone else… Around and around… ‘til the heart has seen all the boundaries. She continues to amaze… As looks inside her… And I poke my head around… To take a little peek. She has a simple grace… That slides along the path… Not leaving a footprint in the snow… No one even knows I have… That capital girl.

A mistress to the highest degree… A flirt even to the likes of me… Legs for as long as the eyes can see… Refined just enough for that cup of tea. Oh, what am I talking about? She’s a girl so far away… Only contacted from a distance… I can’t even see her face today… Communication is as limited like an allowance. We speak candidly about being together… We speak wildly about times that have been… My jokes of her wearing leather… And her curses were enough to qualify as sin. She’s ever so sweet to be my friend… She’s ever so sweet to be here with me… She’d stay put until the end… And I’d show her all I could be.