Scribblings of the Opiated Sherpa

Do I have devils in my head? Am I feared for my devilish appearance? Are the horns a dead give-away? Will you burn to talk to me? Run to save your soul, From that image in your head, And the belief in your judgement, Run from your beliefs. Your beliefs will re-appear, In other Devil people, You'll never be free, If you continue to believe.

I couldn't help thinking about you, Before we had even met, And I was thinking about you, For a long time afterwards. Yourself being what you are, Was enough to have me interested, In learning about who you think you are, And who you want to learn to be. And it was sad when you left and said nothing, The tears would slowly run down my face. Now after quite a while you return, It hurts so much to re-discover, it bleeds.

Who is gonna eat This shit I feel like Tonite? Not her. Not him. You'd be hard pressed To find anyone. Who is gonna put The smile Back on my face Tomorrow? That guy won't. No chance in hell. She wouldn't Do it either. Is anyone Even listenin' To me In the first place? Hearing no evil Seeing no good And speaking the words Everyone wants to hear. It's too late For you To save me. Save yourself.

Hey there pretty girl, You don’t need him, When those beautiful smiles, Turn into frowns. Hey there pretty girl, He only uses you, To get closer to those, Who will only laugh you down. He gets himself ahead, With a pretty face at his side, Pleasing your animal needs, But that isn’t your only side. In what you find as love, He knows as convenience, And your heart is left standing, Out there in the cold. And as the circus rolls into town, You are close beside him, Only for him to reach into your chest, And pull out your heart. He waits for the elephants to pass, And he throws your heart out, Only to be trampled, So he wouldn’t have to fulfill it. He’ll pump you full of kids, And you’re his forever, Or until he’s done, And you’re left with the litter. Don’t believe me? It’s happened before, A different couple, A different time. I don’t want that to happen to you, I want you to find a good one, Or find me, Who sees your heart in the cold, And lets it sit by their fire.

She sends my heart a flutter, A new muse to lay my eye upon. She is so animated and passionate, Her smile beams illustrious beauty, Her eyes speak more than a thousand words, And her features are accented by personality. A smile and wave sends me through the roof, Time between visits is left to think about her, Just waiting for my chance to shine, Soon enough.

A great treasure, Your smile is to me, From being overly appealing to look at, To being worth so much in the long run. I know you and me, We don’t smile as much as we should, But if we fed off more time together, We can smile a whole lot more. With you right here, You can be the cure to my loneliness, And I being next to you, You can trust me to be what you need. Best friends we can be, And great people together, To smile and enjoy, What time we spend together.

Don’t feel like reading, Only feel like writing. Because I’m tired of singing, And all I’m doing is waiting. My face sunburnt red, My nose makes me look like Rudolph, And my forehead looks terrible, Lots of lotions to help me out. The music plays, As I sit outside, There was a rainbow, A little while ago. I’m too lazy to make dinner, And my company should be returning, More sooner than later, And they just might bring something with them. The clouds are big from my balcony, Breaking the blue sky, Not letting the sun down, And teasing with the idea of rain. A branch broken below, From the ratty old tree behind the fence, Sounds emulating from the building across the way, And the time just flies by on another long weekend. And here I write, For the sake of keeping myself busy, Waiting for something new and exciting, To call or arrive. My two patio chairs are what I sit on, Comfortable for plastic, And they point me in the direction, Of the sun now breaking through. Comfortability is an a

Tonight, I question the number of hours, I have put in to everyone. A little self-doubt on the rocks, Served with a bowl of the finest emptiness. Every night that I feel this way, I have to downsize my expectations, Of life and people, And soon the downsizing will make out to be nothing. So little to hope for, And nothing to expect when you do hope, Leads me to be more jaded, And the more jaded means the more cut-off. It will be hard to convince me of what is good in the world, When all I get is indifference, Indifference and disappointment, Disappointment and loneliness. A sob story that can describe me to a tee, Still so young as so virile, And nobody chooses to run with me, To see where I can take them. Funny, eh?

To my Angel, Who’s afraid to fly, Way up high, With all of her Angel counterparts. Your feet, Too good for the ground, Which is too hard, Not to mention the long distance. The fear you have, Of the being in the sky so blue, Hopefully will be suppressed, With the thoughts of your arrival. Only the Angels, Who have nothing to fly to, Will fall to the ground, In a fiery glory. Rest assured, Your arrival will have everything, You wanted to come to, And even a whole lot more.

An Angel, So bold and so true, Looked upon high, By many a people. No one has ever seen her, But everyone knows she exists, And the sweetness of her soul, Carries for miles from her solitary position. To have touched so many, With only her words, No touch or feel, And speaking to few. But doubts cloud her paradise, Because some don’t believe, Her Angelic presence isn’t enough, To sway others to her light. And how this troubles the Angel, Taking her away from those, Who believe her, Without even seeing her. Everyone down below, Need the Angel to be happy, To know her smile upon them, And all of who believe know themselves worthy. So, to the Angel I plea, To keep your head up, Your smile beaming, And what you need will come when you need it most.

Can you hear my hollowed voice? Can you hear it through this hollow box? This is my voice, Hollowed out and misshapen, To the point of disbelief. I want you to believe, The words in my voice, The emotion in my voice, And the feeling that you get when you hear me. I can be what you need, And my voice, Can be your pillow, So you can sleep peacefully. Wrap it up with ribbons and bows, A prize you can have, And a prize that is yours, If you would only ask. My voice was never used, To the capacity that it’s good for, Nobody ever tried to get this prize, So it’s left unwrapped, waiting. This doubt you have, Is nothing new to me, It has been something I have seen, And something I saw it to pass. Doubt leads to limited chances, And limited chances is all I ever had, Limited to zero, And limited to nothing. And when you know only nothing, Something is new, Something is bold, Something could be scary. My voice talks to myself, When there is nothing around, And voice is unused, When nothing plays

The one who works hard to keep his promises, The one who keeps them happy, The one who has already given up so much for friends, But the one overlooked in the end. Like a gas station in the middle of nowhere, Needed and helpful for a period of time, But the people you have helped, Leave and never look back. The recognition of effort, Never pans out into anything more, Than a picture in a book, Or a drunken memory lost among others. No one cares for the utility person, Who makes them laugh, Buys a round of drinks, And gets left at the end of the night. You look at his open door, Smile and walk away, Knowing what is inside to be great, But still you walk on by. And when it’s all said and done, The people who are there now, Become better people because of him, And find new people to leave him in a pile of dust. And have you looked at a pile of dust, In all of it’s loneliness, The disregarded pieces of skin and hair, To be swept up and thrown away? But still he plugs along for others, New

It’s felt like an eternity, Not being able to touch, feel or smell her. Living with others who recognize my presence, But don’t feel me either. Being able to help those, But the hole in my soul is still deep. I feel like Angel walking among those, Even though I don’t believe. If I was to meet her, I don’t know what I am supposed to feel. I want to reach out and touch her, She knows I am touching, but does she ‘feel’ me? If she looked deep into me, Looked deep into who I am, Touch her heart, So she sees me in new light, Not touching but feeling. That’s all I need, Someone to feel me, Feel me through and through, Just I like I do, standing before her now. She is so perfect in her glory, And her imperfections that make her who she is, I want to feel that feeling, That she feels the same way. We’ll make our own cities, Live our own lives, For each other, For the feeling we should never lose. When she rubs my arm, When she cozies up to me in front of a fire, When we sit and share ourselves,

I don’t want you to think that I am someone I’m not, I still have the cluttered mess, I have that aroma of tomato and garlic sauce, Mixed with a little bit of Juicy Fruit. I love to laugh a lot, I can have as much fun as the next guy, Without the drugs and the drinks, Even though it would seem that I had a little of both. But if you choose to dig a little deeper, Where the ground is soft and pliable, You’ll find a whole lot more, That isn’t advertised on the surface. Think of this introduction, As the disclaimer of my life, This is me, Deal with it.

Welcome to the nightmare, The nightmare that I lead, The life that I live, Is the nightmare I don’t want to believe. I look beside me, At the other side of the bed, To find that the comforter covers, The empty section reserved for the person who isn’t there. The loveseat for two, Is occupied by one, One with wishes for two, But fear for many. A clever selection process, Maybe, Fear of rejection, Of course. If she doesn’t look into me, Why should I look into her, Especially if the feeling is supposed to be mutual, For something special to arise. It’s not that I have failed before, But it isn’t like I ever succeed either, Nothing has ever happened, For the good or the bad. Trouble may have been saved, But experience was never gained, Life is pretty easy to lead, When there is nothing to impede the process.

Wouldn’t have thought it to be true, The day that I met you, That today I would say, I should have looked the other way, If I was to know what was to be, When you asked “would you walk with me?” Could you believe I actually thought, That everything I did went all for not, And the time spent to listen, Has now gone missin’, Lost forever to oblivion, Oh what it could have been. The flirting style you portrayed, Made me feel a little betrayed, Or even punished for being there, And then left with just a blank stare, Back into my hole I would go, Until it was time to go back into the workflow. You made a mockery of who I am, Just by relaying another problem, You knew I would be there for you, Anytime and anywhere too, Using and abusing, Made me feel I was always losing. Your beliefs were a tease, And nothing made me at ease, You were completely vague, As if no one was in your league, And you said so much to run from yard to yard, Would be believe the fall from grace was hard. A complete was

What can I say? I’m addicted to you. No ill effects yet, So I’ll continue to be addicted to you. I thought I kicked the habit, Of thinking of you, As I immerse myself deeper, In the image of you. A pseudo-you pasted on my wall, In my heart, Filling the temporary void, Reserved for you. I tell everyone, It’s the pseudo-you I am after, But inside, The truth holds dear. When I finally saw you again, I found my will power spent, I think of you now, All the more, like I used to. I want to find a way, To be close, Closer to you, So there is a chance of something. I keep relatively quiet, Hoping that our phone conversations, Cleverly give me away, Like a kid back in high school. And I know, There is nothing that can be done, Since we are 500 miles away, But I would sure like to try. Anything bluntly said, Would probably result in fear, Disbelief in my approach, Or ex-communication. I don’t want it to happen, But I would like you to know, Just how I feel now, To know you feel something.