Scribblings of the Opiated Sherpa

I don’t know about you, But time actually began to fly by, When I finally was over the fact, That you weren’t around me. I came to look at my life, In a perspective that, We weren’t gonna build, On what we started. And only eighteen months later, We find the opportunity, To catch a glimpse of each other, And spend time together. The cliché stands, You never know what you have, Until it is gone, Or we’re both gone for that matter. I guess I can’t say I had you, But I believe it could have been, If the cards were in our favor, And maybe one day they will be. Allow me to work my magic, And the illusion of hope will follow through, If we both wish for the same thing, It can happen. This could be quite the fairy tale, You play the princess, And I could be the peasant player, And sparks fly and evil to keep us apart. I would climb the wall, Cut through the deadly forest, Slay the dragon, Just to find you again. Oh, what I wouldn’t do, If the chance was right, Or even if the chance was wrong,

Don't compare me, To whomever you search for, That seems to be like me, Because I am not like that person. How would you know, That you're comparison, Has lived the same life as I, And written in the same frame of mind as I? I chose to be who I am, And not to be someone else. If someone uses the same words, Doesn't mean they are me. I never studied literature, In hopes I would carve myself out, From the large block of clay, And the simple tools of perception. No matter who they might be, Or who you might know, Don't spread the light across us both, In the idea that we're alike. I never studied, I probably won't be studied. I read from the famous, But I don't think I will be famous. For that is who I am, Who I choose to be, And how I want to be treated, All I ask, is for you to respect that.

The smell of fabric softener, It isn’t a high, It isn’t a summer breeze. The end of days, Isn’t the end of the world, But the sky during sunset. Effects aren’t special, They’ll just be done, Over and over again. Life is absolute, In a fleeting glance, Of how many days. Love isn’t forever, Unless the family left behind, Prospers in the ancestors shadows. Anything with more than 4 legs, Isn’t creepy except, From the point of view of an amoeba. Efficient use of time, Is making yourself happy, By any means possible.

Observation is my tool, Of the social values, Of the beings we call people, And the blindness they have. I know myself, To listen and help others. To offer my time to others, As it was on sale. A sign on my head, That reads in bold letters, “I’m here for you, Anywhere and anytime.” And at the end of the day, Those people sleep comfortably, Knowing that they have talked, About what was bothering them. But my evenings are not the same, All full of loneliness and cowardliness, Grief-stricken by the fact, That I cannot help it. Some days there is gratitude, At best, there is little. Other days there is none, And I would continue in stride. Then there are days, Where I want to reach out. For someone to hold onto, And they’d confuse me. Such confusion, That turns into another depression, Of when I’ve lost that one, And in darkness I lie. Thinking of how cruel, Life is to me, In the sense of relating to people, And the way they relate to me. Such interest is taken, Onto the words that I say,

At birth, The heart is beautiful, When its innocence, Makes it seem so naked. Through the years, The playfulness of childhood, Makes it grow stronger, But it still remains naked. Being a child is so easy, Kids will be kids, They play and they laugh, No affairs or loves. School, A place for learning, About life and knowledge, The first crush. A little cute girl, As innocent as yourself, Standing there in the light, She catches your eye and you're taken. Time goes by, Spent looking at the this apple, Only for your eyes, Such a wonderful time. You both grow a little older, School becomes mature, A school dance is here, Now is your time to shine. A deep breath, Your first step, Confidence is spilling over, Ask her, ask her. No. Simple and straight forward, Like a jab to the jaw, But a pain that doesn't subside. The first needle into the heart, Pierced in through the skin, Dug deep enough to stay, Afraid to pull it out. A sad time to overcome, After so much time, Thinking of how gre

Go ahead, Yeah, that’s it. Look at me like that, See if I care. A quiet laugh, As I shrug you off, Like flakes of snow, Fallen on my jacket. I don’t give a fuck, Look at me. Into my eyes, And realize that. Curse at me, Call me a name, Yeah, just like that. Ha, you’re great when you’re angry. Does it annoy you, That I stand here chuckling, On your behalf, Because I find you funny. If only I could care less, I probably would. Does that bother you too? Alright, I’ll keep goin’. Oh no! Don’t flip me the bird! I’m shaking. Sarcasm is wonderful. What does the middle finger mean anyway? Your face is a nice shade of red, The vein in your forehead is amazing, Is that smoke, Coming out of your ears? What!?! Do you think, That I think, That I could be tough? No. Tough has nothing to do with it, Nothing at all. I am not tough. I still will laugh last, Every measure will be taken, To ensure it, Oh yes. You’re a big fellow, Bigger than I, My crap doesn’t need to be kicked hard, For it to come out. B

Stand still. Stand right there. Turn around, And let me see your back. The light hit you without intensity, On your front, And your back, Yet you are clearly defined. I don’t want to blink, Can’t miss a second. I don’t want to walk away, Can’t miss anytime for that matter. Walk towards me slowly, I’ll watch as the light changes, As it shifts across your plain, And enlightens me further. Stop again, You’ve walked into a new light, With the color green spilling from it, And you beauty shines through. The green accents you, The color defines your curves, More seductively than white light, And more generously than the dark. Walk a little to your right, And into the blue light. This light is bold, Makes you so sad. Quickly you change direction, Didn’t want despair, Couldn’t stand it in the blue, So you look up to find new light. Sadly, there are only two colors, And so you go gladly back, To the natural light, That makes you… you. We stand in awe of each other, The music comes on, Slowly, t

I wish that I could see you now, There is something important that I would like to say. If you could hear me out right now, It would really make my day. In the short period of time that we've known each other, And the very little time spent together, I have told you much of what I felt, And you still float away like a feather. I have offered you much of me, Yet you backed away, And I'm left here to ponder why you left, But it only gives me more things to say. Look into my truthful blue eyes, Look hard and believe me, What I am offering might not be what you want now, But what I have for you is what you are going to need. I will understand if you left, Your priorities aren't set, And you aren't sure if this is the thing, That you want to reach up and get. We might not have too much to ride on here, Our conversations have been rather dry, But before when I saw the real you, I then knew for sure that you were worth a try. I know myself to be a very picky person, When it co

Look around yourself, darling, What do you choose to see? And in your state of mind, Do you see anything important? Do you know who loves you, Who respects you, Who cares for you, And anyone else who knows you? Can you look at a person, And know they are indifferent, Towards you, me or anyone, That they don’t know? Look good and hard, Then come back to me with the answer, And I’ll see your perspective, Through your judgement.

For whom do I owe the honor to, For me to feel like such shit, In these times of sitting alone, With nowhere to go? Is it you? Your choice to leave me where I stand, At any given point you choose, Dangling yourself in front of me, And pulling the prize in a tease. That isn't what I need, And if at any point which I did need it, I could become a children's clown, And be teased and tormented by them. Is it me? Do I just do things as I sit here, That you don't approve of? Do I say things that offend you, But you don't say anything about? These are things that I wish to know, I can fix these things, Be a better person, And then be something worth mentioning. Bad luck maybe? The extreme coincidences that occur, Each time we plan to do something. When something looks to be concrete in planning, Gets shattered like glass in execution. The chance that there will be a time, In which we could ever physically be together, Becomes smaller and smaller, Without the feedback from you.

I try too hard, For something that I really want, And that something that I want, Is you. Don't ask me why I try so hard, Because the answer is you. Look into the mirror, And you'll see my million reasons. I want the chance to impress the impressive, To obtain the seemingly impossible, To pay the extremely high price, To have everything you can give. Take your freight train, Barrel into my brick wall, Open me up, And just say yes. To convince would be golden, To chance is special enough, A decline would be black, But a smile is the whole world inside of me. One... One time, One answer, One heart here in front of you.

I wish there were days, That I could look into her mind, And she into mine, Living joyfully in the comfort of our own thoughts, As we compensate for each other, And know exactly what to say. We can send cells of our body, Into each other, Like a link between brains, To know what we think about each other, When the time comes, That we doubt our actions. We could hold hands forever, Knowing each other through osmosis, Having our impulses go to both heads, And we know what to do, When we know what emotion fills the air. We could stare into each others eyes, Gaze into the wonder of us, Watch the color of emotion in our sky, Read it like today's paper, But this newspaper that we read, Is nothing but good news. If only this were true, If we could be in our heads, If a piece of us is in us, If we could hold each other, Or If we could look into each other, It would be so easy. But regardless of how hard it is, I want to try anyways, The old fashioned way, Of just talking, And I hope that i

I am not gone, I'm still here. You cannot see me now, Because I am hiding in the shadows, Of regret? Probably not. I was moving too fast, I hoped you'd move just as quick, I guess not. When I look back, I won't look too far. I know what I saw, And I know I still see it. There was great promise in you, And me, I believe there still is. I respected you then, And I showed it to you in living color. I respect you now, And this is why I send this to you, Because I want to respect you tomorrow, And days after that. I respected enough to listen, I heard every word that you said, I honored your time, Tried to play my cards well, But maybe not enough was spent there. But when I spoke out to you, Or asked you a question, I couldn't help but notice, There was nothing coming back. And now all the respect for myself, Was being lost, Because I didn't feel that I was giving what you needed, And that I am falling into failure. Time seemed to move slower, But my heart moved faster

My stomach is turning around in circles, Faster than a dog chasing his tail. The butterflies have grown, Like the rats in New York, And they are flying faster than a Midwest tornado. I can't feel my breathing, I don't know if the air is coming in, Or out. The food I try to consume, Can't make it's way in, Because you have already taken over. I'm so full of you, That you are spilling over into my mind, Making it go crazy, Waiting... waiting... waiting. Don't you trust me, Do you not believe me, Do I not show enough respect for you, Or am I not strong enough? I put the spotlight on me, An audition for your heart, Tell me what to do or to say, I'll try my best to give you, What you want, For this play that you call life. If I don't make up to your standards, I'll walk off the stage, And I'll go. But my performance will be from the heart, Everything I have to give, And for that, I hope to earn something, Anything.

Your mind, So precious and true, Now polluted with thoughts of me, And the uneasiness I have caused. It might have be what I feel, But now I realize you are more important, Than what I feel, Even though you are who I feel for. My mistake has seem to have cost me, Cost me something great I had before, And now I don't even know, What I even have anymore. I only wish I could climb inside your head, Know what you are thinking, And comfort each thought, With a reason why you should be with me. But I can't, So I am left with a defenseless feeling, Waiting for you to attack my soul, With a barrage of emotion. If it is good, Or it is bad, You're gonna come hard and fast, Don't let up because I deserve it. Hit me, Hit me as hard as you can, Just do it, Don't stop yourself.

If you told me before I started, That right now I'd be here, With no one with me, I don't know how surprised I'd be. Grab a bat... Then you told me I had nothing, Between now and then, I probably would have laughed, At the idea of being alone. Go for it... People make it look so easy, Finding someone to care for, Someone who would cared back, Regardless of time and place. Do it, wind up... And with having nothing, Came absolutely nothing, Doing everything except everything, Being something without something. No, don't hesitate... Being alone brings value, New values of a lonely life, Like I had a choice, Or anything to base them on. Now your major league swing... New values of a heart, Still brand new, In a brand new case, Of triple-paned plexi-glass. Unload your feelings... Through the bat... Break on through... Would you know how to, Treat something that is never been seen? Or would you know to handle, What it's gonna give ya? Again, hit it again... Do you really

I've gone and done it. I've confessed to you, How I feel. I don't think it was all that strong, Nor do I believe that is was all wrong. You smile at me, Like you were flattered, And that's all. A good bounce off of a brick wall, But I couldn't break through, To hear what was on the other side. For some reason, For self-preservation, I need to hear that voice on the other side, To know how you feel. This beautiful wall, I've thrown myself at, And everything I've got, And very little has comeback. The responses I have received, I've enjoyed and taken to heart, But it can mean anything, Or it could mean nothing. I know what I want it to mean, I just have to hear it from you. I don't want to doubt you, And I don't want you to doubt me, Because I know for sure, If this can happen, It'll be great. Please give me a chance, Or tell me something, So I'm not sitting here confused. I care right now, And that's all that should matter, To start so

And at long last, I am finally able to see you. This wonderful person, On the other end of the line, Actually in person, In front of me here. Just from listening to you, And reading you before, I was for certain, Not to be disappointed, And I wasn't. You are as glorious as you seemed, You are as pretty as I could have imagined, And right there and then, I had fallen further down this steep cliff, Then where I had fallen to before. I may not have come across this way, Being as though I held back, That is just the way I am, I don't think I could go much faster, I wanted to see what you were like, Now that has passed and I would like to continue. I would like to offer you, Everything I am. I am a person who will listen, To whatever you want to say. I am a hand that you can hold, For the times you are in need of help, Hold as hard as you need, Cause I am not going to break. If you need to be held, For protection or for warmth, I wouldn't hesitate to do so, And I'd never wan

Don't leave me hanging here, Dangling here by my toes, With so much you seem to offer, And so much you are willing to give. Patience is a virtue of mine, I can wait as long as need be. Anxiety is an affliction, When patience is wasted. You intrigue me, Maybe more than you should, And it spills over, Into my everyday thoughts. I think of you now, Like a glorious treasure, With a map in hand, But with terrible weather above. Clear my path, I kindly ask of you, So I can finally reach, What I have been looking for.

During the days of an unusual summer, An evening to be correct. You and a friend spoke to me, And for a moment, Twenty minutes in length, And then disappeared. Not much was thought, Another hello and good-bye, Not to speak again, But to be wrong again. Three suns had passed, And the mystery of those twenty minutes, Had returned of another talk, Of who we are. And early into this second discussion, Intrigue of who we are arose, Being as though we live in the same city, And things may happen. The night flew by, As we talked, About what is considered necessary, In such a wonderful manner. For over an hour, We seemed to get to know each other, Enough to inject an idea, Of meeting each other. An idea, In retrospect, Not taken lightly, But one to take time in blossoming. A glorious time spent, To end with hugz, And a beautiful phrase, For now but not forever. The days went by, The idea never left, But the conversations were too casual, To build on it anymore. It's a pleasure, To know whe

Mesmerizing and wonderful. Yet most of my senses left unused. I've heard her speak, And her voice is beautiful. A calming harmony, That washes me away. My imagination, And the written description, Are all my eyes have seen. They are all but disappointed. Like an angel, Hidden by the light of the sun, Only to be revealed, In due time. A sight that will be, Captured forever. Now I only can get closer, Step by step, Inches by inches, To enable the other senses. A relief, For my curiosity. To be near her, To finally touch her skin, Able to smell her hair, And to taste her presence. Feelings that cannot, Come too soon. A time I now long for, Soon my time will come. A magic time, When our two souls bond.

I wish there were a way That I could change your mind From this solitary you claim to need. I understand where you are coming from, And being alone would be good, For a good portion of the time. But there are times in grief, That I wished that I had someone, Because being alone is so lonely, When you need someone to talk to. This is why I kind of persist myself to you, For I want to be the shoulder to lean on, And the ears to listen for you. I could be your shadow, I would only be there, If you purposely turned around, To look for me. To know that you still have something there, And you can rely on it being there. It's a good state of mind to be in, To know that someone always cares, All the time, Night or day, month or year.

I'm sorry, But don't you think it's hard, To smile. It's hard when everywhere, Or just an inviting place, Looks great from a distance, But turns you away, For an unbeatable reason, And you still understand. It's hard to be happy, When everything you reach for, Fights back. When you just want to hold it, To look and not keep. It's hard to choose with no options. I want to smile, I really do, In my natural state, And not an artificial joy. For now, I'll wait.

A familiar color has been painted. A color that has shown its face time and time again. I don't know what I do, To deserve such an ugly color, But somehow it always seems to find its way, Onto every surface of myself, And I don't know how to stop it. It's like a damnation that I can't seem to break, A chill I can't warm up, A hole I can't fill, A point I can't get. I can't believe how unlucky I am, To want the one thing I need, But at the same time, It's the only thing that I can't seem to have. I would turn down a million for her, Eternal life is hell when you're alone. It would never be my choice, To have this upon anyone else, But everyone seems to want it, To happen to me. I'm not allowed to choose, Nor am I allowed finish it all. A rocky bed looks comfortable, When the air around you is stale. The locker under the sea is welcoming, When the land I share is empty. A shot in the dark, and a miss. Shots fired in every direction, Couldn&

A fire, You lit this fire, You lit this fire in me, In my soul. It was accidental, The way it happened. But it happened, And I'm not sad. Honestly, I am kind of glad, And slightly honored, That it was I you chose. My insides are burning. But I don't want it to stop. Not even a cold sweat in the night, Can douse out the flame. I am not certain, Of what kind of fire, Nor, do I know how to use it, To my advantage. You are here, And you still have the match. As long as you still have it, I know the fire is worth it. Unless it was a tease, A mean, evil tease, That you have put upon me But I doubt it. I hope the fire is here, Here to stay, It keeps me warm, And hopeful for now.

It was all so sudden, In am matter of moments, I was all so captivated, By her voice of magnificence. But that wasn't the beginning, No, she captured me by her speech. She pulled me in quickly, Like kids running towards the beach. A river of thoughts, Now before me, Sharing her perspective on life, More clearly I now see. Now mesmerized with what she has said, There is a connection, Like we share so much, All without our vision. And in a relatively short time, Much was shared, Back and forth in conversation, All fueled by the intrigue of the unexplored. She told me a lot so much, About who she was and who she is. She asked me questions about me, About who I am and who I was. And the discussion continued, Like it was an opera's symphony. The harmony in the peace of mind, Of someone who talks so gracefully. As the time flew by, And the uncomfortableness passed, The topic of our listlessness had arisen, And the idea needed to be addressed. Presumably due to the curiosity, And the

She stands silently, Beneath the shadows of nothingness. I know where she is, But I can't feel her presence. These shadows are so dark, Not only does it hide her face, It hides the lines that define her, And makes her who she is. A noise surrounds her, Like I wasn't suppose hear her breathing. A quiet white noise, And now another sense isn't allowed to sense her. I don't know if she wants to speak, If she has anything on her mind, If she wants me to say anything, Or if her emotions are showing. The air in this world, Has no inescapable scent to it. If she was to smell of flowers, I wouldn't know. Every step I take towards her shadow, It grows larger in the light. The sun moves in behind her for every step, As I ask her to move towards me. And when I start to run, You fly further and further away. And you glide with such grace, It's hard to believe that you are not an angel. But she must be an angel, An angel from somewhere, Come to seduce my thoughts, And become

A broken dinner on the table, A glass of juice, It's only companion. A magazine open along side, The music has stopped, And he goes to change the tone. Takes out what was in there before, And looks above to see what is next, And like a reflex, It's depressing. Pressing the play button the machine, He now tries to count the Duritz's, That are singing the music, He longs to sing along to. The sun still shines bright, It's just after six. The hopes for the evening, Are still packaged in its cardboard case. A guest is all he asks, Someone to look at, Someone to talk to. Nothing more, nothing less. He now lays on the couch, Believing what's left to believe. Singing along to the songs, That make him feel worse, But it still knows him better, Than anyone else.

Well, I am just facing it now. You are not here. You haven't been here, And you are sure as hell not going to be here. But now that I see this, I sometimes have to believe, That I am better off, Without the happiness you would bring. Again, I find myself checking the mail, For hopes that everything I feel, Everything I tend to believe, Is all for not and you want to be here. I haven't seen you in so long, But I have continued to believe, That maybe, just maybe, The sun will shine again. The funniest thing, The most ironic thing, Is that you haven't a clue, Of what I think. You don't know, Who I am, Who I want to be, Who I'm not going to be. A sobering depression, And I am the only one who Feels it... Knows it. If I could hide a little longer, I would be dead. And people would say, He has died a happy man. Oh how wrong they would be, Because my fate right now, If I was to predict it, Would not be one of pleasantries. There is a piece that I am missing, A very small,

Tonight I write, For the sake of just writing. Placing whatever comes to mind, Onto the slate set before me. But right now, You, You are on my mind. And I would like to write forever. To have you here, To pose for this art, Art of my thoughts, Art of my words. You can stand still, Your back turned to me, Not knowing I am there, And I could write you a page or two. I will write what I have to say, It may not be the thing you want to hear, But it will probably be something, That I really mean. And then you may turn around, In a curious glaze, You notice me, With sheet in hand. I take note of your face, I take note of your body. Another couple of pages comes to mind, And you haven't even said a word. The sun shines down on you, I take notice of the light. The highlights of your beauty, Shine through as it was meant to be. As I continue to write, You slowly move closer, The inquiring look becomes more certain, And your pace slightly quickens. Still I write you, As if you will never com

Tonight, I lay down peacefully To take into account What actions that has passed And come to the conclusion of failure. Ignorant in the ways Of the ritual courtship. I find myself in a state of Loneliness and utter depression. And to compliment the pain Is the knowledge that The task at hand Was not one of great difficulty. A task of conjoining Myself of the masculine type To another of the feminine gender Building us both into one whole entity. This simple task Was one of most importance To the meaning of live I have forged for me. A simple reason To awaken in the morning To live throughout the day And to wait to do it again tomorrow. Now this desire must wait For another one and another time And until then I will Harbor thoughts of past failure.

Can you see yourself At your destination? Can you see your path Through the place you wish to be? Do you believe you will Run right through Without the trouble Of the many obstacles? But these obstacles you fear Will not destroy who you are. They may hurt you a little, But they only build your character. Then look at the obstacle The one who stands before you. Determine where this obstacle is, Part of the path or a piece of the destination.

So what is it? What is it I need to do, To open your doors And look inside? I hang on to A thread of hope Made of the notion, That you haven't said no to the idea. I'm in front of you now On one knee With a flower in my hand Asking you please. You taunt and torture With the words expelled The lips that seal And the member within. If I didn't need this This never would have happened The thought wouldn't see the light The ink would never have met the paper. Accept me and trust me, Nothing can go wrong If we live for the moment And not look back.

Fingernails chewed Hair is curly soft Forgiving personality Couldn't hurt you. Didn't want to seem So hard, Because I am Not of that kind. But I know I draw images That are very hard lined And I have a very sharp wit. So if I say That I am so soft, Then why does everyone think That I am going to hurt them. How can I prove to you That if you press anywhere on me That if would press inward, And not come back to prick you.

Drop me to the floor, Punch me, Grab me and throw me, Just get me down there. A shot to the head, A kick to the ribs, Grab a stick, And take a swing at my back. Blindfold yourself, Pick the stick up again, Spin yourself around, And swing it mercilessly. Open up my skin, Make me bleed profusely, Then stitch me up, With a rusty needle. Take my broken body, Throw it away, Into the ice cold lake, Make it feel like I needed that. Well now that I am cold, You decide to warm me up, By taking that iron bar in the fire, And placing it against my body. The burn marks on my body, Seem to represent, Your general hatred for my life, And what I seem to want. Now let's go for a drive, Out to the middle of nowhere, Throw me out of the vehicle, And leave me to die. After hours of lying in the soil, You decide to finish me, You get out of the car, And you tell me you don't want me. My eyes open wide, My limbs cramp up, And my heart stops. A cold-blooded death. My skin turns blue, My eyes glaze u

Yourself as a whole Hit my planet As a comet Plummeted from the heavens. Myself as a giant rock Could either envelop you Or be destroyed Into pebbles of my former self. The impact of your hit Has shook me to the core And has quaked my mantle With a new atmospheric pressure. Although my surface material Remains as it was before There is a definite hole That leads to my core. Now only time will tell If your material Is docile Or destructive.

Penny for my thoughts, You ask me. Don't worry about it, These ones are on the house. I must be seeing things, When you tell me you look horrible, Because all I see, Is a very attractive young lady. And this beautiful girl, Shines like the rising sun on the lake, She sings like she should be in a higher place, And knock out a guy without throwing a punch.

If I stab you, How much would it hurt? If it was a sharp object, Would it hurt even more? If I was to stab you, What would you say? Or would you even know, I did anything at all? What if I told you, You've already stabbed me. You have already pierced me, With the needle of speech. But you stabbed me, And I bled profusely, Not the red of the leaf, But the blue of my feeling. Did you know what you did, Or was it so painfully unobvious, That it passed your pretty face, Like the star over the city of lights. I wouldn't know where to start, When I tell you how much it hurt, Or how much sleep was lost, All because of the metaphorical knife.

This is me, As this tiny little star, No orbit, Nowhere to go. My light doesn't shine, There's no glimmer, There's no fire, Just a tiny little glow. Created in a bang, No bangs since, Nothing important, Nothing made. I haven't shot anywhere, Haven't picked anything up. Maybe one day, I'll pass through a loose system. Maybe I'll pick up, Another star, Brighter than I, And we can create another universe.

Welcome to my oblivion, The large emptiness, Which imitates my life, In all of its meaning. I've felt like, A vast space, Taking up space, In the lives of other people. For my entirety as a whole, Has done nothing, In the way of accomplishments, For man as a whole. It would be something, For me, To be more than nothing, To them. To get away from the norm, Of the family units, Who are primarily proud of, Myself staying alive. But I want to be more, More than this, More than me, Mainly, more than average.

For what I can see, It is all black and white. The lines are hard, And not easy to break. The understanding of this perception, Is dependant of one's own Definition of perception, Deception and conception. My eyes are not yours, My thoughts are not aloud. These hard images that I see, Can be seen by you as well. These jagged reflections, Come off in many different forms. From the raw edge of the truth, To the sharp pain of the flame. Once you've understood my position, The hardest part is complete. As soon as these lines are inside, It is as hard for them to leave. But now you've seen life, From somewhat of it's eyes, Now it should be simple, To see someone else's different shaped lines.

A cold window, And a hard tiled floor, Add a half-hour of time, To come up with thoughts galore. I think about you, And what we are now. I also try to believe, How far we can go and what we'll allow. My thoughts can be so detailed, From minute one to our last hour. They bring somewhat of a smile to my face, And a frown for thoughts that are unfortunately sour. You can't say I'm not prepared, I do think a lot. I have a lot of time to think, But still can miss a spot. I know it won't be easy, For what I want to accomplish, I am willing to go the distance, No matter what place I finish. I have so much time to ponder, On this dark lonely Tuesday, But I am glad to have this sheet here, To say what I have to say.

Kick up the leg, Shake around that arm, "Wah-pah!" What... What the hell am I doin'? Is it wrong what I'm doin'? Well... maybe it'll help, If... if... I told you what I was doin'. Yeah, that's it... yeah. First of all, Could this idea be any worse? This poem doesn't even rhyme. Second of all, How shall I say it... I like you. I like you a lot. Third of all, (Like you can actually say third of all, you idiot!) Damn! No inner monologue on paper! I would like to... Huh, whatever comes after this part, I guess. Finally, "Wah-pah!" I mean "Wah-pishh!" No, wait. I meant "Wah-pah!"

Don't think I think about you? Don't think I have you in my head? Don't think I want to see you again? Don't think it's possible? Let me tell you what I think. Think about your questions. Think about the chances. Think about the possibilities. Every song, Soft or hard, Love or hate, I think of you. Every movie I watch, I try to find, A resemblance, Of what I saw. All the girls on the street, I can't help but compare, Tall or small, No one can touch your status. During my day, Prime time evenings, In my dreams, You are in my head. You are in my hopes, My aspirations, My life, All the depths of my sub-conscience. These words, These thoughts, These feelings, Are screaming your name. How I can wish, For the rest of the day, For the rest of this year, For more time spent with you.

The buttons on the phone are telling me, The little voice in my head agrees continuously, I know I should and I will, But I can't help but think nervously. We are now good friends, And I've called times before. We don't dive down deep into each other, But I would like to dig down to the ground floor. I finally pick up the phone, I hold it and juggle the device. My thumb covers the button numbered one, This feeling won't pass, so a conversation will suffice. Once I pressed the first buttons, The rest comes a lot easier. The next moment could be the toughest, The phone rings and my greeting begins to sound cheesier. Who will be the one to pickup? There is only a fifty-fifty chance draw. I really hope it is she, For this call is for her and not to be flawed. I await the click sound of the reception, Time is so slow during my anxiety. Until someone picks up the phone, My pessimism believes it is someone else in her city. *****************************************************

Walked out of there, Not much to live for, They hate me, Me hates me. Walking slowly, Nowhere to go, No one to see, Weight shifted as I walk. Left leg out, I am on the ground. Right leg taken too. Rolling in pain, Agony and anxiety. End it, end it now! Left alone to suffer, Life blown to hell. Physical pain too much. End me, end me now! Multiply that, By everyday in your life.

Don't call me a tragedy, There is no regret. I might crack jokes, But I am not a comedy. Anything I do, Does it make you think? Does it make you laugh? Things seem to be set in their ways. I want her, But I only see her. I want to buy this, But I can only have that. Solitude is definite, Loneliness is inevitable, Darkness is comforting. Everything is simple, Everyone wants complexity, I am happy, Complexity is troubling. It's hard to be ignorant, With so much going on. News is bad, Money is going, Time is fading. Alone is not so dramatic, But it is here to stay.

I just want To be left alone. To myself My thoughts, Not yours. My feelings, Not your opinion. I don't have to Do what you want Me to do. I'll go left, You point right. I'll sit, When you want me to stand. I'll do it for spite, How I like spite. I want to take it slow. Don't rush me. You'll only make me Make more mistakes. I don't care If I'm too slow. I don't care If I miss the bus. I'll find my way. Don't leave my side. I might not need you now, But I could help you. You might need me. I'm not rushing Out your door. I'll look outside. I'll see what I need to And then I will go. I still want you close. I need to be the judge of that. Don't breathe down my back, But I need you in my reach. You just might save me From something stupid. You're my elastic band To pull me back, If I need to jump. This time is important, To find my way, To find myself.

Pen to paper, Suddenly, your name appears. Your name shows, I haven't forgotten. You know it's about, Something familiar. Do you question, My thoughts? Are you flattered, By my words? I know you know, Who it's about. Are they tossed, Thrown away? Are the kept, Memories for another day? They don't know, What they are about. Do they, Make you hope? Are they, Pleasant memories? Who is it, Immortalized? What if, More people knew? Knew it was, Mostly you. Inspiration, A beautiful thing. All of what has happened, None gone to waste. Still much more to see, More words to write. Encouragement, Soon my time will come. Until the future, Is for certain, The thoughts will flow, And the ink will drop. A fork in the road? Draw a map. I leave myself, On the paper. When in doubt, I'll be there. Security, Is the deuce. You, Are my ace.

Let's get something straight, I think I finally found me. I know what I want, And I hope you can see. I know my life isn't sex, 'Cause I can't fuck every girl I kiss. I know I only want one woman, One girl that I don't want to miss. My life is gonna turn good, I want to know this for a fact, For all of this shit-hole loneliness, There must be happiness to be made up that before Iacked. And I would like to believe, That I found her already. Therefore, I wouldn't have to look, And my love for her would be steady. If who I am thinking, Just could be the one, Then I would want her to know this, And then our future would be more fun. To begin I would say, You physique is attractive, But what I saw in your eyes, Made me feel less offensive. The mystery of you, Is appealing to me. And the beauty of you, Is what I want to see. If I had you for my own, Until forever runs out, You would be my priority, Number one with out a doubt. I believe that it's you, That finally

You know, When the sky is grey, The grand is white of snow, There is always a way. Hey, When the sky is black, And soon it will be day, I will always promise to come back. Hi, The sky is full of clouds, In front of them, birds fly, A ray of light will find you in a crowd. My dear, Today the sky is clear, There is nothing to fear, We'll both hold each other here.

In one night, We met, We talked, We kissed, We were married. With an Angel, And Aurora, We faked our future. We thought, Of animals, Of finance, Of city. We found years, In hours. I found you, In a night. In one night, I didn't want, To let go, Or look away. Not just a New Year's kiss.