Scribblings of the Opiated Sherpa

I've been trying to find a song To catch the idea of what I want to say Something we can both share. Lyrics to touch the soul Music to bring us together But the question remain. I wanted to find the perfect one The one that says everything And I want to be sure. Will it be too much? Are you gonna run away when I play it? Will you sing along if you stay? It's going to need a moment A moment like no other Like the time I have you alone. I'll rehearse the moment to myself I want to get it right And I'm going to need to time it perfectly. The moments we've shared Haven't been quite right Yet I know the feeling is there. The magic As I look you into in the eyes And I hold you right there. Save that thought I'd say As I run over to the player. I'd hit play And the moment would envelop us That would be it. There you'd take a moment Think to yourself until you're sure It's only a few bars when you figure it out. You'd look back at me As if to say...

I'm back to this Last night didn't work I was still awake to partially awake for hours. How could I not think about you And you And me? Where does all this time go? Why is it wasted? Where I am supposed to go now? I'm going to try and sleep again My mind makes no promises Despite being convinced I'm getting stronger. Last night's thought process will be a little bit different Probably not by much But enough that I probably won't see 2am. I want to convince myself That either of you shouldn't be here One is definitely easier than the other. I'm still reflecting Even in the middle of this piece It's distracting. My heart bleeds a bit Some for you Mostly for me when I awake from my daydream. My skin is breaking out in stress My eyelid follows suit with it's twitching Suprised my hair isn't falling out.

I'm trying to hold myself up Against the winds of doubt Against the weight of loneliness I am growing weary of it all There are times That I want to give up To meet a sweet release When the seasons change My heart always seems to stay the same I'm doing something wrong No one seems to want to point me in the right direction Give me a hint Leave me with a little more wisdom The circle I run in Doesn't seem to have the exit I'm looking for It's a pretty lame ride I hope I didn't pay too much for it.

I rub my eyes for clarity, but the lines are still blurred. I drink to blend them together, but it all comes apart later. I try to do one to do the other, but everything seems to get worse. I'm damned if I do, Damned if I don't. What do I do? I ask questions to know answers, but with no reply, comes no resolve. Less of a position I wish I knew of, that way, I'd feel less sorry for myself. Time always seem to play, a simple game of jump-rope, but it just seems that I can't get in. What could I be possibly doing wrong? Is it wrong to be me? Is it wrong to be sincere? How does everyone else make it seem so easy? >

I feel like writing a country song, But nobody has died, Not that I know of. The car broke down, Who knows if there was even a girl to begin with, It's been a intraspective evening. I can't play the guitar, I don't have a band, So there's not gonna be any music. I felt like writing a country song, But I don't think there is enough to go on... Besides... I hate country music.

If there was ever a sense of dementia, I'm pretty sure I've psyched myself out. Cause and reaction will go hand in hand, My causes make for poor reactions. I'm probably over-reacting, Or I was probably over-reacting yesterday. I may have pushed too hard, When I was doing so well standing still. Damned if I do, Damned if I don't. It's never going to come on a silver platter, So I might as well give'er a go. Anxiousness... What a bitch.

I want to escape this life To get away from here From now. This world isn't meant for me I don't have my own reasons to be here I don't have a desire to follow the rules. Get me out I'll bring someone with me We'll leave soon.

You know why I drink? It's so I don't think. I depress easy This is my sober moment. I might not sleep easy I'll probably think too much. I'll write a bit tonight I already have. This moment is mine It's not lost. It's here. This moment fills the sheet, Instead of the glass.

I don't have Anything clever to say Anything original to do. I would just like To have you here And we'll see where it goes. I haven't been Drinking tonight Or not thinking of you. I could really use You here next to me Wanting to be here.

Fresh rain OJ from a can New hoodie The front porch Thinking of you. A few tunes Crisp air Summer's ending. I write In very little light I want to dance with you The city as a backdrop What a picture.

I wanna be me. I want to be the stand-up guy. I want to be the guy with principles. I want to do the things I say I'm gonna do. I want people to believe in me. I wanna be me.

Forgotten again. The time I waste waiting, The phone that doesn't ring, The plans they fizzle, And something sinks inside. I call, No one picks up. I expect a call, And no one dials. I don't know if I want too much, Not enough. Do I live up to expectations, Or fall flat? Isn't it possible, For that small bit of courtesy? You can't come, You won't be able to make it. Forgotten again .

Red light, green light. To go or to stop. Whether its bad or its good to go. Still no or possibly yes. It could be big or it shrinks away. Its becoming time to find out again.

The time, It passes, It does funny things, But it doesn't make me want you any less. I adore you, But I can't see you, Until I try and forget you, And then the cycle starts again. I sit down and talk to you, We chat like the best of friends, A natural only bettered by the forest, And I'm scared to harm it. You told me once, That it wasn't the right time, I didn't want to lose the thought of you, So I sit and wait to give me the okay. Time in between, Can be long and far apart, Every time we meet, Seems like the first time repeated. I want to try, Try to have a second time, Where we don't have to catch up, And just continue on. I don't know if you're trying to get closer, I don't know if you're trying to see each other, I don't know what's goin' on, But when I know... When I know... I will make you feel wanted, Make you feel needed, Make you feel safe. I want to support, Your dreams, Your desires, And your cares. I want the thoughts of...

I'm trying to resist It shouldn't really happen I don't even know for sure. It's a good thing Not knowing keeps me from falling Too far from too much.